27 posts tagged “life”

Don't you hate it when you're absolutely tired, feel tired and look tired yet can't fall asleep to save your life? That was me last night and it was so frustrating. It wouldn't have mattered much if I didn't need to get up for a class that started at 10:20am, but falling asleep at 5am is no good. I'm not even sure why I couldn't fall asleep, I left my grand parents house around 9:30pm because I was ready to go and tired but as soon as I got home it's as if I got my second wind...I took a shower and chilled for a few but come time to sleep I got no where. Oh well...I'm going to try and stay up & not take a nap, that always seems to help my sleep schedule. We'll see.

Here is the bulleted list for the day since I'm too lazy to type out anything meaningful that actually flows together:

• I spent the day with my mom; first we went by two properties so she could place for rent signs in the yard, then went and grabbed lunch at Chickfila. We stopped by Walmart to pick up a few things and left with more than we went in there for, including The Departed and Wild Hogs movie.
• I'm making meatballs for dinner...just waiting for the diswasher to finish washing! Yummy!
• I have 4 chapters in one of the books for my Social Problems class to read by Tuesday, and write up my second assignment...shouldn't be too bad but the book seems rather boring, poo.
• I have an interview sometime on Monday, around 1:30pm/2:00pm, I'm not exactly sure when since I sent the email to the lady & called to set one up with her but she had already left the office, hopefully I'll get the job which will bring in some much needed extra money.
• I can't wait until October which is when I am going to Michigan to see Alan...I'm so excited :)
• I found this in my bookmarks; funny yet annoying and cute at the same time!

I got home around 1pm from my first day of classes; I had Marriage & Family and Astronomy today. Needless to say, I think I will enjoy both classes especially my Marriage & Fam despite having the same teacher from last semester for Sociology who is some what...set in her opinions about the world and people in general. Tomorrow I have Probability & Statistics and I have already read through the course information for my two online classes; I'm going to be very busy this semester but I know I can pull it off, cross fingers for A's!!

In other news, I'm going to the dentist at 4pm today for the second time in what a month or so? I don't know what's going on with my teeth as of lately but it seems that all the sealant (the stuff they put on your teeth so you DON'T get cavities) is wearing off, causing my teeth to feel rough to the touch my tongue and get cavities in them. I had to go a few weeks back for a tooth that was bothering me and they fixed it all up, now this one; last night it was hurting so bad the whole left side of my face hurt all the way up to my ear. I get my teeth cleaned for the first time in a while on the 7th of Sept but there was no way I could wait 3 weeks to get this tooth checked out.

karma as in the good or bad emanations felt to be generated by someone or something? I swear after all the problems that my car has had in the last few months, I would be stupid to not believe in such a thing =P  I went to Florida in May to see (at that time) the boyfriend; half way there I noticed a crack on the passenger side of the windshield which only grew the longer I drove and over the few days that I was in FL due to the heat, no big deal right? Wrong; that crack is going to cost me $200+ to fix because they have to replace the whole windshield to do so, I can't get it done now but I need to ASAP because if I were to get stopped I could get a ticket.

But the fun doesn't stop there, on the way home from FL my AC stopped cooling half way. I was like, what the hell? So I had to drive 6 hours or so in the heat with the windows rolled down driving down the interstate, not fun at all. I wasn't able to get my AC fixed until just today (it happened over 2 months ago) because I didn't have the money. Come to find out a rock had some how got stuck in the condensor or hit the condensor which put a dent/hole in it causing all the freon to leak out which is why it stopped cooling, I also got my driver side window fixed which broke last year, all in all it cost $460 to get my car fixed which doesn't include the 100k mile tune up I need to get done soon and the check engine light. I think something was trying to tell me to get out of Flordia and not go back...go figure that 2 months later, I broke up with the boyfriend and haven't been happier. Coincidence? I think not!

The more I look through information concerning the colleges I have picked to transfer too the more things start to set in. I have filled out applications for transfering for three different colleges, and the more I think about it the more real it becomes that I am about to finish my two year degree at the community college and move on with a bigger part of my life. Granted, I am 21 and have yet to live away from home or on my own where my mother or other immediate family was readily available at my disposal.

When I graduated high school, I was accepted into another branch of the U. of South Carolina campus (the Aiken Campus) which is about 4 hours (I think?) from where I live currently; at this time I was 18, just graduated high school and wasn't ready to let go of that comfort of having my family there for my needs...so I didn't go and have been at the community college since then. I screwed around my first year at the community college which technically (in my mind) put me a year behind, but now that I am finishing up I realize and feel that I am ready to move on with life. I'm ready to start life in general: degree, career, marriage, family...all of it. I am just ready to feel independant to the max and not have to worry about anyone else but myself and my own decisions and how they will affect me and only me. I am just ready to become the person that I've always wanted to be and see myself being in the future. I'm so ready and I can't wait.

Classes start on August 20th, I'm excited and ready to go. I need to put all my time and energy into my classes this semester as I've tried to do every semester after my first year of screwing up. I need to pass every single class I am taking this semester in order to receive my Associate of Arts degree that I am planned to finish with the completion of this coming Fall 07 semester. I'm stressing out already when it comes to transfering to another school, mainly because I'm worried that my first year of college will screw me over.

Like most people, I went through that period during my freshman year of college that I just didn't give two hoots about classes. For once, I didn't have anyone breathing down my neck to make sure I turned in home work and went to class; you don't have to show up for class in college if you don't want too and there is not a damn thing anyone can do it about it. I ended up failing out of my first semester (Fall 04) and withdrawing completely from my second semester (Spring 05). I managed to do okay when I went back in Spring 05 and pulled B/C's, however those D/F's that I did make in my first semester at college still count towards my GPA and I've been working since then to bring it up. I'm not doing to bad with it as of right now, after this semester I hope it to be a low 2.9/3.0 when everything is said and done but it still worries me. I want to finish my schooling, I want to finish two more years and receive and BA in Psychology; it's something I want, I just didn't pull my head out of my ass until after that first semester and I'm hoping it doesn't keep me from getting into another school. As of right now I'm applying too KU, USC (South Carolina) and MSU...we'll see how things go.

Aside from the transfering part, I'm worried if I'll have enough time to get everything applied for, sent in plus transcripts and accepted/rejected by the start of Spring 08 (January). I would like to just go straight into schooling at which ever university I get accepted too and decide to attend starting in January, that way there is no gap in between schooling which will allow me to slack off and not go back. If I have to absolutely wait, I'll just start in the Summer of 08 instead; that at least puts me finishing in 2009. I'm just praying everything will work out the way I want it too for once.

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On a different note, as previously mentioned in a post a few days ago I broke up with Albert. After sitting here the past few days and having not talked to him since then, I can honestly say that I did the best thing possible for myself. I have no shed on tear or felt any pain/guilt/regret towards the decision I made. I was talking to Alan (which is the guy I'm currently talking too) and asked if he noticed a difference in my attitude/overall happiness factor and he said yes, that I've seemed alot more happy & relaxed since breaking up with him. It honestly is just a weight lifted off my shoulders to not have to deal with someone who honestly did not care about me or anything having to do with me; I didn't need the added stress to what I'm already trying to figure out for myself.

I know it seems rather soon and comes off as "wow, she broke up with this guy and is already talking to another," but one must understand that Albert and I's relationship was not a normal "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship. For one, we were in a long distance relationship in which we only got to see each other every couple of months and for two, I was doing all the work and getting absolutely no support when it came to trying to commuciate and actually have a relationship despite the distance. When I broke up with Albert a few days ago, I had already gotten past the part of feeling sad/hurt like I would have felt had it happened a few weeks prior or a few months prior to a few days ago. So really, I had already moved on without actually officially ending it until I could figure out the words to say. Alan and I have been friends for a few months and nothing more and he was there when I needed someone the most; so I'm happy to say that I am completely and utterly happy with him :)

Here's a list of thoughts:

• I took my little cousin to see Transformers this past Friday and it actually turned out to be a movie I enjoyed. I wasn't really expecting much out of a "boyish" action film about robots that transform, but it had a little bit of everything; military, action, kiddy puppy dog romance. I enjoyed it and will definitely get it when it comes out on DVD. My next trip is to see Harry Potter!
• I went to a baseball game yesterday with my mom & the church group. It had been scheduled for about 2 months so I couldn't get out of it. It was boring as hell though; it was too hot to think about anything other than how sweaty you were. I was sweating buckets...I hate being hot. But it was nice to get out of the house for a change. They had a Jars of Clay concert directly after but we didn't stay for long.
• My classes start on August 20th. I'm ready to go as this is my last semester here before I transfer! I have everything set and my classes signed up for. I go this Wednesday to take my placement test for my math to see if I can get into College Algebra, if not I'm stuck with Probability & Statistics.
• I broke up with Albert (boyfriend) yesterday and I honestly haven't felt so relieved in awhile. It sounds harass to say that because it's as if I'm saying "oh I don't care/love him," I do but just not in the way I want/wanted too. After trying so hard & doing everything that one feels she should do too make sure that the other is happy & the relationship is a strong one & keeping communication open, and not getting any help from the other party it becomes too much. I realized in the last month or so that the words "I do care, I do love you, I do want to be with you" meant nothing to him...if they did, he would have showed it and believe me I gave him plenty of time & space to allow him to show me and he never did. I went with how I felt for once and did what I felt was best for me and I'm glad.

I got up this morning around 10am, got dressed and head out the door around 12:30pm with some old college textbooks and went to the campus to sell them back. I managed to pull $113 from 4/5 books that I had; my biology & biology manual books, my English lit book, and my photography 2 book. The only book I wasn't able to sell back was my sociology book.

You know what's really frustrating...is that when one goes to buy college textbooks they charge you an arm & a leg for them; mind you, most of us are BROKE to begin with and yet have to shell out $300+ in textbooks alone, now granted we have loans/grants/scholarships that take of this for us, sometimes we aren't so lucky. I think my very first semester of classes I spent over $600 in textbooks alone for FOUR classes; what sucks even more is that when you try to sell those books back in basically brand new condition (because sometimes you don't have to crack the book open for your class) you don't even get half of the amount you paid for them back. I know damn well the books I sold back today were well over $300+ (my biology book ALONE was $100+ when I bought it brand new), but alas some money is better than no money right? :P

On a side note, I'm taking my little cousin with me tomorrow afternoon to see the new Harry Potter movie, I figured I'd be nice and take him with me since I don't really have anyone else that wants to go, should be fun :D

My stomach is feeling a lot better; however now I have an entirely NEW problem...my left eye. Yesterday, it got this really weird pain in it; a pain that is hard to explain, it's not a sharp pain or a dull pain, but if I push on the corner of it it's very uncomfortable feeling. I've rubbed the crap out of it because it's been bugging me and now my whole left eye looks bloodshot...I swear I just want to feel better!

In other news, I talked to my boyfriend on the 21st of July and basically told him that I was unhappy and there was not a damn thing he could say this time around to make me feel or accuse me of overreacting or being emotional; this is completely his doing & his fault, and all I have to say about the matter is that if he doesn't shape up & start SHOWING me that he loves me & cares about me & wants to be with me like he SAYS he does, he's going to be seeing the one person who cares about him the most (as he has said himself even) walk out the door. I'm tired of being unhappy, I don't deserve it; does that mean I don't love him or want to be with him? Of course it doesn't, but over the course of my own years of dating & dealing with relationship things between my parents (they are divorced) if there's one thing I've learned it's to take care of myself first & foremost (as selfish as it sounds) and when it comes to my happiness I won't let me be anything OTHER than happy.

I Heart You

I was talking to my bestest this morning on AIM and he sent me the cutest thing...you'll only get it if you play World of Warcraft. It says I heart you or I love you but the love/heart part is an image of a health pot, get it?! :D It made me smile, haha.

There’s always so much going through my head, so much I feel I want to say or write about and then when it comes down to it, I forget everything or don’t type it all out as it is in my head. So this time around I’ll do something different instead and just make a bulleted list like Jenn does instead of writing out a full length all over the place post :P

• I still need to decide on my last class for next semester. It’s either take 1 class on Tues/Thurs which is a class I want to take or take another online class as an easy credit and have two days off during the week. Sigh!
  
• Wish it wasn’t so hard to find a job. I’ve placed a few applications here and there that I think I’d enjoy working or at least won’t be too hard to work around my class schedule when classes start but I’ve had no luck thus far. It also really irritates me that I’ve applied to this one job that I feel I qualify for and that the posting for the job was taken down a few weeks ago (never got a call for it) and it’s now been reposted. WTH?
  
• The weather has been way nice as of lately and I’m so glad that I have my grand parents pool to go swimming in. I just need to remember to wear sunscreen from now on and quit being stupid when it comes to the sun; it’ll be my luck that I’ll end up being one of those people that gets skin cancer L
  
• As previously posted about here, I really need to get out and start using my camera more…there was a reason for them buying me a brand new camera for my birthday aside from using it for my photography class; I miss using it, I want to use it, I guess I just feel like I have no motivation to do so.
  
• Things with the boyfriend have not gotten any better. I’ve hardly talked to him in the past two weeks and I’m sick of hearing the excuse “I’ve been really tired/busy.” I called him tonight and I even made the comment ‘I just feel like we haven’t talked in awhile’ and he responded with yeah I know we haven’t talked in awhile…then preceded to say how he had a buddy coming over (at 11:30pm!) to help him put together his new PC, so I let him go. Whatever. I’m so over it, I just need to find the courage/strength to tell him how I feel.
  
• All in all, I suppose I’m doing alright. Bored out of my mind without having anything to do during the day but swim whilst looking for a job, I can’t wait for classes to start so I can get this last semester over with and move on…