Ashley’s blog

Another pregnant Spears!

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 16:07:09 -0500

I know, I know you're probably tired of hearing it by now but Jamie Lynn Spears, younger sister of Britney Spears, is pregnant. I wasn't going to post on this because why should I fuel the media by posting about the hottest news which everyone is already sick of hearing about? But I have an opinion and I'm going to state my opinion.

We all know the whirlwind of a life Britney Spears has been living the past few years but not much has really been heard about her sister Jamie Lynn who is sixteen until this point. She is best known for her acting job on the hit show Zoey 101 - so maybe she is more popular than one might think but with a younger audience since the show is a Nickelodeon show. I've seen the show before because I have a younger sister and it really isn't all that bad, I think Jamie just like her sister has her own talents and it's great that she's pursuing the career she wants. However, now that she is pregnant there is a question to be posed - does she get fired, should she get fired? I don't think she should, she just as any other female, as a right to live her life the way she chooses and while she may only be sixteen she made an irresponsible choice. Does this send theÂ wrong message to young viewers saying "hey Jamie Lynn from Zoey 101 did it, so can I"? Perhaps it does but I think it says more about theÂ parenting of said children than it does aboutÂ the television shows children are watching.

I realize that the media influences everyone in different ways and I realize it is something that no matter how hard we try to get away from, we just can't. It influences the products we buy, the products we don't buy, the movies we go see in the theaters, the clothing we wear, the clothing we don't wear, what is hot and what is not - media influences everything BUT you are in control of your mind, you are also in control of the decisions you make and if you let the media influence you so much to the point that you say "omg...like Jamie Lynn got pregnant, I'm going too also" there is something wrong. There is also something wrong with the parenting of said child who think thisÂ way - some children are too young to understand the concept of sex and babies but if a child is seriously thinking about sex/babies at age nine, eleveen or whatever the ages are of the people watching Zoey 101 then something is seriously wrong.

Maybe I just firmly believe that everyone makes their choices based on what they believe is wrong and right rather than what the media portrays to be wrong or right. Maybe because I've never felt really influenced by the media (aside from products I might buy)Â that others are the same - I know this isn't correct but I would like to believe that people honestly don't follow the influence of the media as much as they might. And while Jamie Lynn is sixteen, pregnant and has decided to keep the baby she should be treated no differently than any other sixteen year old that is pregnant or will get pregnant. If you leave out the fact that she is a Spears, if you leave out the fact that she is a celebrity, all that is left is an ordinary sixteen year old capable of making decisions just as any other sixteen year old. There is no reason to go back and forth in a blame game because what is done is done there is no going back and changing what mother nature has decided upon, however it makes me question the parenting of Spears' parents as well as her own decision making. And while I can only speak for myself and it's quite contradictingÂ for me to sayÂ one shouldn't be having sex at sixteen since I was only fifteen when I started having sex - I do believe that she could have been smarter about it and maybe she was...but that's a private matter that none of us will ever know about.

In the end, from one human being to another, from one female to another, I hope that she doesn't make the same decisions her sister has as far as drinking, partying, and drugs goes and is a good mother to her child.

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I haven't missed the boat!!!

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:04:37 -0500

Sometimes, I feel like I've missed the boat - the boat of being/getting married, the boat of having children and raising a family and then I look at all that I've accomplished so far in my life and I realize that I haven't missed the boat, I'm just getting started. Yet for some odd reason, certain people in my family feel the need to talk to me as if I've missed the boat.

Have I missed the boat because I didn't get pregnant at 17 like my cousin did and dropping out of school and have yet to receive my GEDÂ three years later?Â Have I missed the boat because I didn't get pregnant and then forced to get married when I was 18? Have I missed the boat because I'm not getting a divorce after one year of being married? Have I missed the boat because I didn't choose to do drugs, drink and run around with the worst possible people, getting into trouble, shop lifting, getting caught and going to jail for it all the while leaving my child behind so he could be taken care of by my parents? Have I missed the boat because a year later I haven't decided to get knocked up AGAIN by the guy I'm dating? Have I missed the boat because...the list could go on forever, I'm sure but I think you get the idea.

There have been comments made about how I better get a move on and while these comments maybe made all in fun and games, they actually really bother me and hurt my feelings, why? Because I graduated high school and received my diploma and yet that WONDERFUL event didn't last long because my family was dealing with the fact that my cousin Brendan was pregnant at 17. After high school, I chose to go to college because I knew it was the smart thing to do - I also knew it was what I needed to do in order to get ot where I wanted to go in life. I just finished my last semester for my Associates of Arts degree, so now I have a college degree. Sure, it may not be a BA (which I start in the Fall) but it's a degree nonetheless and a hell of a lot more than someone who doesn't have their GED three years after they dropped out of school. I didn't date anyone seriously for three years because I knew that the person I needed and wanted in life would come along eventually and he has - there was no point in me wasting time on people that wouldn't matter in the end, I don't feel the need to be with someone just because I'm lonely or too feel loved - my worth as a female, as a human being cannot be summed up in the love that someone else has for me unlike it is for my cousin.

So while my cousin has an almost three year old child at age 20 and another one on the way, is technically and legally still married but is dating someone else (who she is pregnant with his child), doesn't have a GED or a high school diploma, doesn't have a drivers licence because it's suspended, mooches off just about everyone who is willing to give her some thing but working part time at Old Navy just to spend her whole pay check on take out food - I'm busy getting educated so that when I do get married, when I do have children we'll be in a good and comfortable place. I can't afford to raise a family right now, let along afford to even get married so why is that I need to get a move on with things? Because my mom and my aunt (Brendan's mom) were married at 19/20 and had us so early? When my cousin got pregnant people weren't surprised because of the way she is, and yet if it was me people would shit a brick...if I got pregnant now people would STILL be disappointed so either way I feel like I can't win, I just wish they would STOP making me feel as if I'm missing out on something when I'm clearly not.

It has always been a dream of mine to have my own family, to raise my own children, to have a good career/job and to be able to live comfortably with my husband who loves me more than anything in the world and not have to worry about a damn thing, except poopy diapers and omg the dog just jumped the fence. But I'll have those things when I am good and ready to have them and when I know that I can provide the best possible environment for the children I do have - I won't ever be like my cousin who relies so much on everyone else to take care of HER children, and now at 20 she is having her second child with someone who she most likely will not spend the rest of her life with...it's sad and yet I'm the one who gets told that I need to get a move on. My grandmother says she has waited so long for this, in reference to Zachary and being able to be a great grandmother and spoil him - how is it that she's waited so long? I'm the eldest grand child at 21...

I guess I just wish that my accomplishments in school were as big of a deal as my cousin having kids is...but I guess being uneducated and getting knocked up thus being stupid for not protecting herself > me getting a college education so that I may be able to provide for my family and not have to borrow and get money from everyone else. I haven't missed the boat, but according to everyone else I have....

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Funny how things work out.

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:17:21 -0500

I run the risk of jinxing myself when I think about certain things going on at this moment but it seems that when I think things couldn't get better, they do....and I couldn't be happier :)

This semester was important to me, more important than any other because it meant me finishing my associate of arts program and being able to receive my two year degree when I was done. I wanted to do well, I NEEDED to do well and at the beginning of the semester the only class I was stressed out about was Astronomy. Our very unlucky section got stuck with a teacher that had never taught the course before - he's a physics teacherÂ - which made it difficult for us to understand the material along with his horrible teaching style. This was the ONLY class (out of 5) that I worried constantly about through out the semester...much to my surprise when I checked my grades earlier, I received an A. I don't know how that happened and I'm definitely not complaining, but my jaw dropped to the floor when I saw that A. The most I expected was a B with the least being a C - at this point, I would have been happy just to pass the class with a C so when I saw the A I was ecstatic.

Not only have I received an A in the one class I struggled with all semester - not because I didn't understand the material but because of the horrible teaching style + tests that didn't cover ANYTHING we went over in class - I've received A's in all my classes thus far. I'm still waiting for my Criminal Justice grade to be posted but I SHOULD have an A in that also, if that's the case I'll receive my first 4.0 GPA for a semester since I started college and it brings my overall GPA up to a 2.7! I really hope MSU will reconsider my application when my final transcripts are sent in, I have improved ten fold since my first horrible semester in 2004 and while it has taken me longer than I expected and planned for, I am still very proud of myself and that feeling is amazing.

Aside from school being over and being extremely pleased with myself because of my grades, I've also gotten more hours at work. A few weeks ago, I was ready to throw in the towel with them because I had hardly worked since I was hired at the BEGINNING of November - I was hired for seasonal work but yet they weren't giving me hours? Anyways...with it being 14 days from Christmas the hours are starting to pour in which is really nice. I work 14.25 hours this week and had an extra 3.5 hours from a shift I picked up this past Sunday. I won't get paid until the 20th but that check should give me enough money to buy gifts for Alan along with my mom and my brother if I can figure out what to get them. It makes me happy to know that I'll be able to afford gifts now, especially for Alan.

On top of everything, Alan will be in here 2 weeks time. I can't explain how happy and excited I am - I miss him SO much. He is the one person that I need and want...always and like I've said before, I couldn't be more thankful that I have him. He supports me in everything that I do, he's there to celebrate with me when I do well (especially in school) and I know he's proud of me just as I am with myself. He truly is the love of my life :heart: In the end, I'm happy with the way things are going now compared to me feeling shitty just a few days ago when I thought things were completely horrible. It's funny how things work themselves out in the end, I know things can't stay bad forever and maybe I jump to conclusions too fast instead of waiting things out - in the end, I know everything will be okay no matter how bad things may seem at any given time :)

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Getting Hours!

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 14:32:29 -0500

Just when I thought I had given up hope on getting more hours at work, I started getting called to take over shifts :P I am scheduled to work 14.25 hours this week (Tues and Thurs 6-10:45p and Sat 2:15-7pm) but was called last night and today to see if I wanted to work extra shifts. Not even 10 minutes after Linda (manager) had called me last night, left a message on my voicemail wondering if I would like to take over a shift and calling her back had she already called someone else and given them the hours :( However, about 30 minutes ago Kara (manager) called and asked me if I wanted to work today from 4-8:30pm and I said of course, I figured that I may as well get as many hours in for this next check and for Christmas since I won't get paid again until the 20th which will be about 30 hours or so. Maybe I'll be able to afford to buy Alan gifts after all :D I'm off to finish getting ready...then to come home later and do my paper for my marriage and family class since it's due tomorrow! So far, I've gotten an A in Social Problems and Probability and Statistics, I'm very happy :D

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It's an amazing feeling!

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 14:04:24 -0500

It's absolutely amazing this feeling that I feel for my best friend, my boyfriend, my companion, my lover...I'm so in love with him, I cannot even describe how it makes me feel inside :heart: Only 3 weeks until he's here with me!

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Never Get a Break.

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:48:11 -0500

BetweenÂ studying and being irritated, frustrated and upset yesterday I didn't even get the chance to post what I wanted too so I'll do that now :PÂ Get ready for what will seem like a bunch of complaining...

Do you ever feel like you never get a break - that no matter what is going on that something ALWAYS seems to happen that brings everything else going on in your life down? That's how I feel right now, that I never get a break. Between being stressed and upset about money and not being able to afford gifts for Christmas and not being able to pay the cable bill, on top of having to study for exams, the icing was put on the cake yesterday when I brought my car in to get the oil changed and tires rotated. I was informed by the mechanics who did a visual inspection of my car that I have a small oil leak in the oil pan which means it needs to be replaced ASAPÂ before it gets larger and just completely drains any oil that's put in the car - $100+ for that. I also was told, which I already knew, that my exhaust has holes in it which is why my car is so loud but that's been there since I've had the thing I just haven't had the money to get it replaced.

Over the summer, I had to spend over $600 getting my A/C fixed when a rock busted it and caused it to leak all the freon out and the driver side window that had been broken for a year. Not only that, but my mom has to switch our insurance so that I can get my windshield fixed because it has two large cracks in it and if I get pulled over I could get a ticket for the window being like that. I swear...the car, a 1995 Honda Civic LX, is a good car - it runs, it gets me to where I need to go and back, and for being a 1995 has pretty low mileage on it - but I feel as if I'm dumping more money into itÂ than what it'sÂ worth but I have too because I can't afford a new car. Finding out about the oil pan/exhaust yesterday just made me feel like I never get a break; that no matter how hard I try or don't try (just do things as they come...etc) that something ALWAYS seems to happen, that when things start to look up something comes along and BAM.

My mom is strapped on cash but somehow manages to find a way to pay for things she doesn't need. I went and got a job because I knew I needed too and I wanted to start saving up money for when I move to Michigan and yet they aren't giving me any hours - I've been looking for another job but haven't had any luck as of yet finding anything promising. The only thing that seems to be going right are my classes and grades which I couldn't be more proud of myself than I am already - I have done amazingly well this semester and it feels so good to be able to say, yeah I passed my classes and I got A's in them...something I haven't been able to do since I started college (well making A's that is :P). The only other thing aside from passing that keeps me alive and somewhat sane is Alan and I couldn't be more thankful that I have him in my life. But even then, I have a hard time not letting the little things bother me - I can't afford Christmas gifts, I can't afford bills, I'm going to school AND passing with A's, AND I'm trying to make money by working but not getting any hours -Â I feel like it gets rub in my face that "hey I can afford things and you can't." My life doesn't revolve around money, it never has; I don't ask for anything because we've never had the money to be able to afford just random things my brother and I may want. I don't spend what I have, I save but when you don't even have savings to pay things off or buy things you do NEED, it sucks...and I'm trying to do the best I can with what I have on my plate.

And while, I try to focus on the good and not stress out about the bad I can't help but feel so overwhelmed by the things that go on in my life. My life ISN'T as stressful as it may seem or that I make it out to be but the things that do go on, stress me out till no end. If you've ever been strapped on cash and can't afford bills or because the holidays are coming up and cannot afford to buy gifts for the people you care about - I'm sure you understand how I feel and I'm sure it doesn't make you feel any better when you KNOW and FEEL deep down inside, you're doing everything you can possibly do and can possibly think of without putting too much weight on yourself. I can only keep hoping that things will start to look up and know that they will eventually and until they do...I guess I just have to keep on truckin'.

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Classes are OVER!

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:38:50 -0500

Yesterday was the last day of classes which means all that is left is to focus on exams :) I'm so very happy, excited, relieved and yet stressed out at the same time...ugh! I have my first exam tomorrow from 11am-1pm for my Astronomy class; it's the only class that I've been worried about all semester and now that we're down to the wire and the exam is tomorrow, I'm still worried about this class but I'm not the only one. Hopefully, it won't be as that bad and I'll do alright but it's kind of hard when you have to study a whole semesters worth (3.5 months) of information without any guidance - I just need to relax and know that I'll do fine.

On Thursday, I have my second exam which is in Probability and Statistics; I've had an A+ (100) average in the class all semester so I'm not worried about this one at all. Of course, I still need to study and want to do my best on the exam but I don't think there's any possible way I could fail the class but I want to keep my A average for sure. The exams for my two online classes will be easy as always since they technically aren't "exams" but rather the 3rd and 4th test of the semester which is all multiple choice, 50 questions and open note/book. The only other class I have is my Marriage and Family class and I have to write a 5-10 page "paper" for that exam and have to create my own family - I haven't started it yet, but have an idea of what I want to write.

Hopefully, when all exams are taken and my grades are submitted I'll have received all A's in my classes except Astronomy. If I figured out the math correctly I could still make a B in my Astronomy class but I'd have to do pretty well on the exam and he'd have to give a pretty nice chunk of points for the extra credit paper I did. Obviously, if I don't get a B and I get stuck with a C I'll be happy since that means I passed and my GPA will be alright still, but I really want a B. I've worked my butt off so hard this semester to get all A's in my class and so far I think I've succeeded. I have a few classes that are right at a 91/92 (an A is a 91-100) so I need to make sure I do extra well on those exams so that it doesn't drop into the B range. I need to send in a request to have my final transcripts sent to MSU before I forget :) Since I won't be able to transfer anywhere until Fall 2008, I've decided to take 4 more online classes for the Spring semester to bring up my overall GPA and so that I can keep my insurance (have to be in school full-time). The classes below are what I decided on:

American History 1877 to Present
Intermediate Algebra
Introduction to Philosophy
Macroeconomics

The history and economic classes I am taking over again so that I can knock the F's out of my GPA. The will still show up on my transcripts but won't be counted in my GPA calculation - this is why my GPA is really low but I've been working to bring it up, hopefully after this semester is over it'll be just enough to get into MSU and then I can kick ass when I transfer :)

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Maintenance!

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 08:56:40 -0500

I had one particular theme I had been working on for the past month and decided the other day I no longer liked it...go figure! I was tired of trying to get the CSS to work correctly in Firefox and Explorer only to have something correctly show up in one browser but not the other - I just don't feel like dealing with it right now, lol. So I'm going to take the theme I currently have (this one) and make it into aÂ 'winterish' type thing for December, hopefully I'll have it completed by tomorrow if not by Monday so if the site goes into maintenance mode, you know why :)

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Work Rant.

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:21:10 -0500

As of yesterday, I have been able to breathe a little better compared to earlier in the week, it's amazing what medications with pseudoephedrine in them can do you for you :P I'm also happy that I'm able to fall asleep without feeling like I'm going to suffocate.

In other news, I worked an entire 3 hours this week at my job - that's right, I was only scheduled ONE day (this past Monday) which was suppose to be my "training" day and all I did for an entire 3 hours was fold messed up clothing in the boys and girls department. Seriously...how many times does it take walking around the same area for 3 hours to fix the clothing there? It wasn't until the end of the night when people were rushing around to get the store neat and tidy so we could close that I finally got some help and was informed of what I should look for/do when it comes to being assigned to a certain area. I'm so glad that an associate and/or manager was so helpful and provided me with the information that I needed at the END of the night...Â /end sarcasm.

I was hired almost a month ago and have only worked one day since then...not only that but I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick when it comes to training and such because the managers act as if it's not important to inform the NEW employee of what the hell to do but rather let me have at it all to myself. Sure, I asked other employees questions when I had them but jeez - I'm trying to do my job, why don't you as a manager do yours and show me what I need to do? Either way, I've been looking around for other job openings elsewhere - which I always do anyways - because I'd like to find a full time job possibly in an office since I'm taking all online courses next semester since I can't transfer until the Fall. I just hope something comes along soon!

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Sight Seeing!

nobody@vox.com(Ashley) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 00:31:16 -0500

Being a person who loves to travel, I'm always excited when I can find great deals on various attractions in the cities I visit. For example, in Savannah, Georgia they have an awesome riverboat sightseeing cruise that I would love to go on but unfortunately any time I've been down to Savannah which is only a two hour drive for me, I haven't been able to go see any of the attractions the city has to offer. I've heard so many great things about places to go in Savannah from family members, like the Boardwalk, that I would love to just take a trip down there over the weekend and check some of these places out.

Luckily, I found a site called Trusted Tours and Attractions that provides me with tons of information on the attractions around Savannah - they also provide you with the duration and price of the attraction. Not only that, but they also offer information for places in San Diego (like the San Diego Zoo) was well as Key West, which are two cities I have not visited but wouldn't mind doing so - perhaps one day! One of the cool things about Trusted Tours is that if you sign up for their free e-newsletter between now and December 14th, 2007 you're automatically entered into a contest to win 4 free tickets to tours in a city of your choice. I'll definitely be signing up for the newsletter because if I win free tickets that only gives me more incentive to take a weekend getaway to Savannah and check out some of the sights around there!

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