Posts (page 2)
Ugh...I feel like poop! My throat hasn't gotten any better and now my nose is all stuffy and I'm sneezing like crazy - part of that is due to me cleaning and stirring up all the dust in my room though, but uggggh! I cleaned my room and it looks really nice, I was able to throw out a bunch of junk I had packed away in boxes since we moved into this place - I figured since I hadn't used it or taken it out of the boxes in a year, then I don't need it so it's going in the garbage, needless to say my room looks a lot better now :P I also decided to pop all the keys off my keyboard and venture into the unknown and clean my keyboard...oh my god, I've never see anything like it, haha. I haven't cleaned this keyboard since I got it and god knows when that was, except for a few sprays with the can of air here and there or a few flipping it upside down and knocking all the junk out of it. My keyboard types like its brand new now since the keys no longer stick!
I have to figure out something to tell Alan to get me for Christmas. He apparently has picked out four or five items of things that he knows I would like to have but he wants me to tell him something specific that I want and I have no idea what to tell him. Hell, I don't even know what to tell my family to get me and the things that I have told them are a pair of shoes I saw the other day at the outlet mall and I told my mom to get me some more jeans, that's about it. There are things that I would love to have but most are too expensive even for my family to buy me - like a laptop. I'll be looking around to see if I can come up with something otherwise he'll just have to deal with not getting me anything else, after all I'm sure he spent ENOUGH money already /FIST! :P I'm off to finish my study guide for the math test I have on Tuesday and go to bed, I have class tomorrow AND training :)
I think I'm getting sick...for the first time in what seems a MILLION years! Bah :( My throat started hurting late last night and I figured it was because I had been crying the night before and such and going to sleep like that, but this morning when I woke up it hurt even more. I don't think I have any kind of strep, but rather just a sore throat from when you get a stuffy nose and all the nasty gunk decides to run down there, lol. Anyways, I just started taking some cough drops so hopefully that will help but I have this damn tickle in my throat, like I need to cough something up but when I cough I get nothing! UGH....I haven't been sick in forever, why now?
I hope everyone has a wonderful day today spending time with the family and eating good food. I'll be over at my great grand mother's house with my family for most of the afternoon, I can't wait to eat, haha :) - hey it's one of those times where you can stuff your face and not really feel guilty about it! Anywho, the list of what I am thankful for would end being a mile long I am sure if I wrote it all down but in the end all that I am thankful for is being alive and being able to live each day as it comes; life isn't always easy and we're all faced with obstacles but getting through those obstacles makes life worth it especially when you end up on top when it's all over! And aside from my family whom I am very thankful for despite them getting on my last nerve sometimes :P I couldn't be more thankful for the wonderful boyfriend that I have (you knew I was going to bring him up eventually!) - someone that loves me, cares about me and respects me for everything that I am, everything I want to be and everything that I will become :heart: I'm off to shower and get ready to leave...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
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Thanksgiving is this coming Thursday and because of that I only have classes two days this week - who doesn't like a short week of school? I'm definitely not complaining. I've been spending my time since Saturday playing Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii and just kind of relaxing. Since the week is so short as far as classes go, I really have nothing to do for assignments etc. I have a review sheet I need to do for Math so I can go over it in class tomorrow but that's about it. I've been waiting to hear back from Old Navy as far as my first shift goes but haven't heard anything - Linda (manager) said she'd call some time this week - I most likely will be working Black Friday, ew. Anyways I'm off to eat dinner at my grand parents then coming home to play Mario :)
Since Alan left I've been feeling rather blah - I miss him a lot and being able to pick up the phone to hear his voice, not having that just makes me feel empty. I had my interview with Bath and Body works today, it went well I guess. The manager interviewed me at the same time she interviewed another girl which was odd, and then gave us instructions for the 2nd part of the interview process which was a phone assessment. I did the phone assessment when I got home from the interview and I'll call tomorrow after my Old Navy interview (depending on what they say) to tell the Bath and Body manager that I did the assessment; I'll have to wait to hear back about being hired though. I think that I'll be okay either way with either job as far as getting hired goes, so we'll see.
Like I said at the beginning, I miss Alan...it's only been the third day since he left (he left Saturday morning at 4am) but I feel like poo. It feels weird going to sleep without hearing his voice before hand and talking from 9pm until sleep time and hearing him say I love you. It's kind of silly considering he'll be back at the end of the week (sometime Saturday), but even so...you get use to doing things a certain way every day and when those routines change you feel out of sync, at least I do. Not to mention, we didn't have a very good conversation the night before (Friday) he left as I was upset because I feel like he doesn't talk to me. I want him to be able to talk to me about ANYTHING - good or bad, random or specific. I want him to stop thinking that something is wrong whenever I am not as talkative as usual, sometimes I would like to listen to him and hear what he has to say; I feel like I talk too much, but then again he is a listener and so he doesn't mind when I just ramble about random stupid things, but sometimes I would like to be the listener. I feel bad because I know I made him feel bad which wasn't my intention at all...it never is, I hate how that works; you try to talk to someone, a friend, family member, a significant other about an issues you're having with them - it may not be major but just something you have a thought or feeling about - and they take it like you're attacking them.
It upsets me a great deal when I feel like I've hurt his feelings or made him feel bad because he is an amazing person, he's an amazing boyfriend and I honestly could not ask for anyone better - he is everything that I want and everything that I need and he makes me completely happy. But like all relationships, you have your up's and down's and you have your little areas where you can improve on and this is just one of those things that needs improvement. We have no major problems, hell we have no problems at all but just areas where we can improve...maybe it's the way I come off when I try to explain my feelings to him and how it upsets me that I feel like he can't talk to me when his reasoning is he has a hard time communicating with people that aren't physically in front of him - we're long distance right now. Maybe that is so, but what can I do to try and make the situation better? To help him figure out how he CAN communicate better or start communicating? It's not like he sits on the phone silent every time we talk, but the majority of the time it's me talking about random stuff or how my day was or something going on with me. If I get silent or I'm not that talkative, he assumes something is wrong and/or doesn't engage in conversation. This is the only thing that really bugs me...I don't know what to do or what to say so that he doesn't feel like I'm attacking him.
This time around as far as being in a relationship goes, I've been better at telling the person I'm with (in this case Alan) how I feel - I try to not blame him or say it's his fault but rather say things like 'I feel...' or 'I am...'. I've tried to improve on this because I realize in the past that because I wasn't very vocal when I would be upset or happy that I got walked all over and while I don't believe he'd ever be that way, it's always a good thing to be able to talk to your partner about your feelings and be able to work on things together if it involves the other person. This relationship means the world to me, he means the world to me, I'd do anything for him...he IS a great boyfriend and he DOES make me happy despite him thinking sometimes that he can't keep me happy. He's the love of my life and for the first time, I can honestly say it feels right.
Job hunting is such a pain in the ass, but something one must do in order to...well you know, FIND A JOB! :P Being in school though makes the process a little more difficult because you have to find an employer that is willing to work around your schedule; having classes in the early afternoons, leaves the late afternoons and evenings + weekends open for me so I get stuck with retail jobs which aren't that bad but still pretty hectic.
I know all jobs have their perks and disadvantages just as all jobs have their fair share of "hard work" that you must do...but retail is just "ugh" sometimes - then again every job as their "ugh" moments! Not because of the pay, most of the time you can get a fairly decent hourly rate even working part time that is above minimum wage (the last retail job I had was $7.15/hr which was the highest I've ever had), depends on the store of course - but retail jobs aren't 9 to 5 type jobs is what I'm getting at. You're lucky if you can get the schedule you want; for instance, my cousin when she applied to Old Navy told them she could only work from 8am-5pm during the weekdays and any time on the weekends (part time), mainly because of the fact that she has a soon to be three year old son that has been staying with her more frequently than before (he normally "lives" at her parents house), she was lucky that they were willing to work with her on that and even they said they would work with her.
It just seems that most of the time when you're a student whether it be high school or college, they expect you to work during the late afternoon/evening time because you have classes during the day. In the end, I guess what I'm getting at is that if I didn't have to worry about school I would have a wider range of jobs that I could apply for, especially full time jobs (just looking part time right now) because most of them ask for Xam-Ypm unlike retail jobs which can be all over the place. I'm not complaining but just an observation, this is partly why I can't wait to finish school COMPLETELY but then again when I do that, I'll hopefully have no problem finding a CAREER job in the area that I studied :) It would just make it a little easier, in my opinion, if I felt like I had more options whether it be because of schedule or because of pay but I'll take what I can get at this point because moving to Michigan is priority numero uno after classes are out for the semester ;) With that being said, I did send in a few more applications online awhile ago to various stores around here so keep your fingers crossed about me hearing back from them, as well as hearing back from Old Navy either Monday or Tuesday of next week!
I hope he knows that I'm trying and I hope he knows that I am happy. If anything, he's the only thing that feels right in my life right now and our relationship is what gives me hope and makes everything else seem worth while. He brings a smile to my face and even though at times, I come off negative or may say negative things I am not doing so in an attempt to sabotage our relationship - that would be awfully stupid on my part.
There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me and cares about me and wants to be with me and I know there is no doubt in his mind that I feel the same for him. I know at times I seem sad or unhappy but deep down I am happy, very happy and the happiest I have been in a long time. I am trying my hardest to do what is next in line which is finding a job and saving up money so that I can move on with my life, so that WE can move on to the next step in our relationship and move on with life
together
; I am trying and I'm trying to keep my head up even when it may be/seem/feel hard at times. I do it because it's what feels right and I do it because I know he's who I want to be with and I do it because he has my heart.
It's hard to be away from him, from the person that you feel loves you the most and cares about you the most - the person who wants to give you the world. Leaving him was the hardest thing I had to do in a long time and while it seems that I haven't been happy since I've been home, I am happy - a little sad because I don't want to be away from him but I'm happy because I have him. Like I said, I'm trying...very hard and I'm sorry if I let you down or make you think otherwise when I cry or I seem upset or get irritated. Like you, I just want things to go smoothly and to turn out okay and I'm not really worried about it because I know everything will turn out fine. Our relationship is the one thing I am positively certain of, just know that I'm just trying to figure the next step out and I appreciate you being there for me, more than you could ever know. Just know that I love you with all my heart and that I can't wait to be with you.
My second test for my Marriage and Family class was a take home test that had to be double spaced, typed up and at least 5-10 pages in length...not a big deal, I went over the 10 pages required for the test but when I went to print the stupid thing out I realized I was out of ink. Not only is ink REALLY expensive - I think I spent about $40 on a tri-color cartridge and black cartridge combo pack - but I always tend to forget what ink cartridges I need to get (the actual number on the cartridge) or even what kind of printer I have to look up what I need. Luckily, there are sites out there like Cartridge Finder that allows you to look up over 10,000 different models of printers, copiers, and fax machines so you know exactly what ink cartridge to get every time. This comes in handy for me since we have an older Lexmark printer and can't always find the cartridges needed in the stores - with this website, it gives a list of cartridges we can use with said printer and also checks PriceGrabber's merchant listings to find the best price on the product needed. Maybe next time I'll be able to find a better deal when it comes to ink!
I'm not exactly sure what I will be up this weekend, it's been raining here since Tuesday so it's been really nasty outside and pretty chilly. The fair started last night but the fair is never exciting, quite honestly it's pretty lame but if it clears up I may or may not go with my cousin since she asked me a few weeks back if I'd want to go. I plan on going either tomorrow or Sunday up to the outlet mall and picking up some applications at various stores - I need to find a job and start saving up some money so that I can move to Michigan in the next few months...or whenever the time is right. I have a lot to think about and figure out and I'm trying to not let it stress me out but eh, I always end up stressed :( Anyways, I'm bored...I need a new game for my Wii since I finished Paper Mario a few weeks ago :P
